A Little Q & A

I am frequently amazed at the audacity of some people.  Since my dealings with the public are typically in the grocery store, it is from my most recent trips to such stores that I would like to share the stupidest, rudest, and down-right thoughtless comments I receive:

Comment #1:  Are they twins?  Oh, are they girls?
Real Response:  Yes, they are.
Response in my head:  No.  They are just the same exact size and have matching clothes and car seat carriers.  Somehow I gave birth to children just a month apart.  And no, they are not girls.  I like to dress my little boys in flowers and have them swim in seas of pink all day.  Do you think they will turn out gay?

Comment #2:  Wow, you had twins?  You look really good for having twins.
Real Response:  Thanks.
Response in my head:  What the hell?  What am I supposed to look like?  You mean for having twins, or in general?

Comment #3:  What did you do to get twins?
Real Response:  We just got them the old-fashioned way. 
Response in my head:  Fuck.  You should try it.

Comment #4:  Wow, you look really great, oh goodness, did the babies do that to your hiney?
Real Response:  No, God gave me this hiney, I've always had it....
Response in my head:  I've always had this ass.  I got married with this ass.  I'll probably die with this ass.  Luckily, my husband likes a big ass.  In fact, he likes it so much it spurred the response in comment #3, which made the twins.

Comment #5:  My kids are 9 months apart, so I know what it's like to have twins....
Real Response:  Do you think so?
Response in my head:  You are so incredibly silly you have no idea.  Did you have 2 newborns to nurse, change every hour, and deal with in general?  Do you really think that a 9 month old is the same as bringing home an extra baby fresh out of the oven?  Just think about that statement for a couple minutes.....

Silly, silly, silly people.  I don't think I'll ever forget that 4th one.